I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
