is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
