At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
