Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
