at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
