the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
