all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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