Dude my mom stole all your condoms
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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