I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
