Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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