I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
