your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
