woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
