She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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