you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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