Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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