dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
