I'd wear matching sweaters with you
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
