Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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