well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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