I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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