I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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