I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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