fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
