I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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