There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
