Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have aggressive nipples.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
