hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
