Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My balls are so social today.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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