the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
