me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
