Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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