i just sent this text using only my big toe
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
