My nipple is on Facebook.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
