first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
