Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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