his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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