she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
