bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
