I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
