I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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