so explain again why im purple
no
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She needs sedatives and a leash
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
