I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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