I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
