Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
