not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
