Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
