watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
