Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
