i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
