and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
