he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
