whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
