I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
